misery Archives - PS

MPC Star Wars Story

Mantooth — Fri, 07 Sep 2018 04:00:00 +0000

MPC Star Wars models will always remind me of a funny story, well if you’re my dad, you wouldn’t laugh.

You see in third grade, this cool kid named Andrew (that’s his real name, cause I doubt he’s a reader) brought in his fully assembled C3-PO model and somehow, i became “salesman of the year” and got Andrew to lend me the model for the evening.

So of course, i broke the elastic that held the damned thing together instantly when I got home. I panicked, it’s in my nature and my folks offered to help.

My fleeting memory of this is my father in his undershirt mumbling “sonovabitch” toiling with C3-PO until the wee hours. I awoke to a fully assembled kit and a warning not to borrow other kid’s toys. I was saved!

I didn’t learn my lesson and when Andrew traded me for my “Incredible Hulk” treasury edition for his hardbound editions of “Superman and Batman: From the 30’s to the 70’s” I just let it go until the eight grade. I realized Andrew was just not that interested in his material possessions.

Pssst Andrew, I still have your books…

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Limited Edition Star Trek Medallion

Mantooth — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 04:00:00 +0000

I had my Star Trek Medallion stolen during fifth grade swim class (back up ladies, I’m taken) and I know who did it.

He ended up working at my gym in the mid 1990s, the sight of him every day would fill me with this weird anger combined with the feeling that it was super dumb to wear a Star Trek medallion to swim class in the first place…..

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Colouring Book Theatre: Dune Activity Book

Mantooth — Sun, 24 Aug 2014 13:42:00 +0000

DUNE: Puzzles, Games, Mazes and Activities

This is my third pass (you can read parts one and two here) at Dune coloring books or as I like to call them, “Comedy Gold” .

The book promises you can “relive all excitement and adventure from the movie” but as we all know, crosswords and poorly thought out games rarely do that, even with good subject matter.

This is in no way a poke at the quality of the film but more of a comment on the weird belief it was somehow marketable to children.

Dune is a dark, often gory ride with a narrative that would confuse a lot of kids. Yet, licensing people sold it as the next Star Wars and here we are.

The other reason I keep returning to Arakis (see what I did there?) is the hope I find a colouring book page of Sting in his metal underwear, I WILL FIND YOU!

Grab your crayons and still suit and join me after the jump

I like the semi smile put on this character, I’m positive that every character in Dune just sorta frowned.

“The Big Baron” sounds like a jolly fellow or a regional burger chain that is no longer. The lead villain of Dune is a hyper obese monster covered in oozing boils that sucks blood kids. Don’t try to put perfume on this pig Grosset and Dunlap.

Characters like the Baron somehow had people thinking they had the next “Star Wars”, what they got was the next “Krull”.

To get all serious for a minute (well as serious as I get) “Last Starfighter” toys never hit the market but this guy was found under the tree on Christmas morning?

I think I’ll draw a little suit on this make it a Dale Cooper paper doll, then I can sell it to my unsuspecting podcast co-host for triple the price.

I think the better question is “Who is overacting in this scene?”

Send your friends these postcards and guaranteed they’ll call you and ask “WTF did you just send me?”

Previously reviewed Colouring Books

Rack Toys is available right now!

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Colouring Book Theatre: Happy Days

Mantooth — Sun, 03 Aug 2014 17:36:00 +0000

Happy Days Colouring and Activity Book

Another colouring book I found rummaging through Planet of the Stuff a couple of weeks ago.

Like a lot of 70s kids, I non-ironically stood in a mirror going “Ayyyyy!” and begged my parents for a leather jacket. I loved Happy Days, had a Mego Fonize doll and even bought the (lame) Gold Key comic, so it seemed fitting that this would be a fun colouring book to review here.

However all that positive energy leaked out when I realized this book was from 1983, a time when Fonzie was a 35 year old shadow of himself and most of the interesting cast members were long since gone, paving way for a big pile of who gives a crap.

Let’s take a look at this after the jump…

First off, it seems the artist uses the same image of Fonzie throughout the book, he’s depicted as having this weird, almost psychotic grin for every page.

It seems the overall malaise of the series has trickled down to the (probably underpaid) staff of Playmore Publishing as this book has a large chunk devoted to spring cleaning in the Cunningham house.

Yes, that’s Ted McGinley, who was to this show what Beau was to “Welcome Back Kotter”.

I’ll take this page to mention that the kid who had this coloured exactly two pages of this snore fest. I’m also being generous when I say “colouring” because it’s more like stabbing the page with a crayon as if to express their displeasure.

Fonzie, Roger and Flip (Who the $&%* is Flip?) go camping but my hopes for Deliverance style antics go sadly unabated.

Agggghhhh END!

Previously reviewed Colouring Books

Rack Toys is available right now!

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Fitness:1972

Mantooth — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 04:00:00 +0000

I’m not much of a jogger (it ain’t a pretty sight) but should I ever get the urge, a mustard yellow track suit will be my choice of uniform. Not only does it give me an Omega Man vibe but it also will hide the vomit stains that are sadly, pretty much a given…

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Hulk-a-mi-phone

Mantooth — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 04:00:00 +0000

From the “i’ve seen it all now” department.

While Carnival toys gets a l’il gold star for giving Spidey a bugle (think about it), the idea of the Incredible Hulk standing in the desert giving his rendition of “songbird” makes his utility belt and motorcycle seem legit in comparison.

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Welcome to the compound

Mantooth — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 04:00:00 +0000

“I’m Adelle and this is Steven, we’ll show you to your bunks. At 9am, we’ll begin our worship hour followed by nine hours in the fields. Remember, Almighty Kevin is love.”

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Quilt, I’d like you to meet Jeans

Mantooth — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 05:00:00 +0000

You’re in luck chubby girls, they make it in your size!

The 70s, attacking a young girl’s self esteem with a big ol’ sack of doorknobs…..

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Spider-Man busts a cap

Mantooth — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 05:30:00 +0000

Whalloping websnappers, ol’ Doc Ock is in for rough time tonight. It’s amazing to think that artwork of Spider-Man brandishing a fire arm was approved by somebody at Marvel. I wonder what wouldn’t pass?

Spidey leaving a liquor store with a rosie in a skirt? No problem!

The Spider-Man smoking kit? Why not?

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Christmas is…..Soft Knits

Mantooth — Thu, 20 Dec 2012 20:55:00 +0000

And don’t you *&%^ing forget it!

Nothing in this life, did I loathe more than that prerequisite itchy V neck sweater from an Aunt and Uncle. I have never been more honest in saying “You shouldn’t have”…

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